Yeah
It's a classic, baby
I've been all over the world But you know
Told ya There's nothing I wouldn't do for ya
I hope you don't mind that I show ya I want the whole world to know ya
'Cause wakin' up here in the mornin' got me movin' soon as I'm yawnin'
I'm ready to rise and grind and shine for socializin', enterprisin'
On my mind is glory So somebody tell my story
You people might think that it's borin' But don't you ignore me
You treated me oh, so well In particular the ATL
And whenever you wanna see me Hey, it's easy, you can meet me
I'm on Fleet Street, come on
FBI! Pull over, now!
You want to go?
No! You will not get your mail till I get to your house.
Don't make me use the PITmaneuver.
I will get to your house when I get to your house!
Get out of the truck.
Put your hands in the air.
What is wrong with you? You could've stopped back there.
You made me have to chase you, man.
Please, God, let someone be taping this in the bushes.
- Just give me what I want. - Whoa, whoa.
That's a federal offense, all right? Only the mailman touches the mail.
You do realize I'm packing, don't you?
Yeah.
I could pop one in your ass!
Okay. All right, all right. Just relax.
- Do I gotta pop one? - Chill-ax. Okay?
I got your mail right here.
Okay. Capital One credit card with no introductory interest rate.
- No. No. - Okay. Fair enough.
Steam Clean Carpet Service.
- No. - Okay, true dat, true dat.
Duke University! Boo-ya!
Come here! Come here!
Come here!
Come here! Come here! I'm warning you.
I know it's college decision day,
but you win the crazy parent award!
Thick. Thick, thick.
My boy got in. My boy got in!
Thank you.
Hey!
Don't be surprised when I lose your tax refund!
Hey! Trent!
Trent!
You up there?
Whoo! Trent, you're on your way.
- Desert Retreat. - Hi.
I need to speak to my wife, Sherrie.
I'm sorry, no phone calls allowed.
Yeah, well, I know no phone calls allowed,
but, you see, it's an emergency. Our son just got accepted...
Sir, your wife is in complete isolation for the next 72 hours.
Come on. It's a mind-body retreat.
It's not Area 51.
Uh-oh! Please take a soothing breath with me.
No, I will not take a soothing breath with you.
- Namaste. - But I can come down there
and snatch that ponytail off your head.
Namaste.
Duke University.
What? Malcolm?
- Speaking. - It's Jason Bourne.
I told you, we don't use code names.
You take all the fun away, Chocolate Thunder, you know that?
All right. What do you want, Nicky?
The exchange is tonight, 11:00 pm.
- You got what they want? - Yeah, as long as you got what I want.
And listen, I'm thinking now Bali.
Well, you know, there's no witness protection program in Bali.
But don't worry, we're gonna take care of you.
All right, then Mexico. But not Cabo! It's gotten way too touristy.
Hello? Chocolate?
- Trent! - Hey, Malcolm.
- Where are you? - I'm, uh... I'm at the library.
- Library. - Yeah.
- But it's noisy. - It's Book Appreciation Day.
But look. Trent, we need to talk, all right?
So, come home soon. We got to talk.
- Uh, I'm losing you. - All right.
Yeah!
I'm a lyrical miracle
- Hey! - Baby!
Quick-witted, better get with it, stay sick with it
They saying I'm a lyrical miracle
- Hey! - Baby
I'm automatic, a rap fanatic Let me do my thing
This is how I do it Fluid, every time I ride by
I'm so incredible They're forgettable, bye-bye
You know my name If you didn't hear it, then here it go
I be that lyrical miracle with the witty flow
Looking at that shorty, she's a cutie What's your name?
Baby, you should call me I can scoop you and we can hang
Okay, if not, then I ain't twisting your arm
But don't be trying to holler at me when you're singing along
I'm a lyrical miracle
- Hey! - Baby
Quick-witted, better get with it, stay sick with it
They saying I'm a lyrical miracle
- Hey! - Baby
I'm automatic, a rap fanatic Let me do my thing
Hey, y'all, the Prodi-G's a little parched.
I'll be back for a second set, a'ight?
- Library? - How'd you find me?
The Bureau tracked your phone.
Thank God my dad's an orthodontist.
For real. That's some Nazi Germany shnizzle.
- Let's talk, now. - Uh-uh.
Scratch and Rembrandt are my family.
Whatever you got to say, you can say in front of them.
- Oh, family. - Mmm-hmm.
Ah. All right, well, in my family, we give out ass-whuppins.
And right now, I'm looking at a lot of fresh, unwhupped ass!
Yeah. A little... This little...
You have a great day, Mr. Turner!
Hey, Trent, we love you, but I ain't with no ass-whuppin'.
- Yo, hold it down. Sell some CDs! - Okay.
- Why'd you embarrass me like that? - I'm embarrassing you?
- Trent, you got a lot to learn. - Come on, Malcolm.
You know, it wouldn't hurt to call me "Dad" every once in a while.
All right, let's rewind. This should be a happy day. All right?
Yeah, but I ain't the one who brought the rain.
Some great news came in.
I know. They called me.
Yeah, I'm just like, wait till they hear my new stuff.
Right? I'm talking about fire, man!
New stuff? What are you talking about?
Wait. What are you talking about?
I'm talking about Duke!
Oh. No, look, forget college, man.
So check this out. This promoter got a hold of my mix tape.
The Achievement, Volume One. Right?
So, he's putting together this tour of young MCs in the fall and the winter
called The Freshman Class, right? Entire East Coast and Cincinnati!
Trent. People don't go to Cincinnati. They leave Cincinnati.
The only catch is
I'm not 18 yet, so I'm gonna need you to sign this contract.
Because the Prodi-G is still a minor.
- In age only. - Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
You got into Duke today. You're a Blue Devil now!
- So? - So that's your dream!
No, that's your dream.
I ain't going to no lame college when I can be on the road, making money!
I ain't signing that contract.
You gotta give it a rest.
I'm just saying, this is my big break, man!
And if I don't have the contract signed in five days,
they're gonna have some wack ringtone rapper from St. Louis.
Trent, you have the rest of your life to go on the road.
But for these next four years...
Four years?
You're joking, right? You're joking.
Like, you know how long that is in hip-hop years?
Aw, come on, Malcolm, look at this. Look.
It's a blueprint for a house of success. All built on a strong, strong flow.
- A strong flow. - Yeah.
Well, you need an education.
What are you gonna do when that flow dries up?
I'll just transition into acting.
Oh, man. Every time you open your mouth,
you prove to me just how important an education really is.
You're lucky your mother's not here to hear you talk that crazy talk.
Oh, Mom. Let's call Mom. She'll let me. Let's ring Mom up.
Go ahead, call her. When you tell her that you want to throw away college,
she's probably gonna bust that little vein in her forehead.
It's gonna pop!
Yeah...
Okay. But not when she sees the mansion I'm gonna buy her.
Ha! Come on.
Only thing I'm signing is a check to Duke. End of story.
Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go to work.
You know, some of us work.
- I'm on the grind. You feel me? - I feel you.
- You feel me? - Yeah, I feel you.
- You feel? - Yeah.
But I'm talking swimming pools. You feeling private security.
Come on, we can do it together, Malcolm!
Damn!
- Trent. - What's up, man?
- Hey, did he sign it? - No, he didn't sign it yet.
All right, so phase two. Ambush the man when he's at his grind.
He'll give you an autograph just to get rid of you.
Yeah. Ambush him at his grind. I'm feeling you.
That's right!
See? That's why I keep you on payroll.
Hands away from your chest. You're gonna dirty the recording.
- Sorry. - You got the drive, right?
Yeah.
- There's nothing on this. - Smart, huh?
- Are you kidding me? - No.
It's insurance. 'Cause I was thinking, what if they don't give me the money?
What if they check the drive, just like I did?
Oh.
Well, the real one's hidden.
It's in a safe place where no one will ever look, so don't worry about it.
You idiot. Where is it?
Where's my witness protection plan?
It's gonna be in a casket if you don't tell me where it is.
All right.
- The Georgia Girls School for the Arts. - What?
- I got a buddy who works there. - Unbelievable!
Crawford. Yeah, Malcolm.
Canetti brought a dummy flash.
Yeah, well, he told me where the real one is, but there's no time.
We're just gonna have to get Chirkoff to make the exchange. Yeah.
All right.
Hey. Let's go.
Canetti, can you hear me?
Yeah, I got you, Chocolate. Go ahead.
Look, if anything goes wrong, get out of there.
Hey, fellas. Vlad and Dmitri, right?
Mr. Chirkoff.
Hey, it's good to see you again.
Rosetta Stone. Pretty good, huh?
Whoa, whoa! It's the Prodi-G!
Trent, what the hell are you doing here?
Guaranteeing my future. Sign my contract.
Hey, get in here and sit down! Stay down!
You think I'm stupid, huh? You think I'm a stupid man.
No, I think you're probably a very intelligent man.
I mean, I don't know you that well.
Autograph it, please.
- I'm not talking to you. - Who are you talking to?
I'm talking to the people on the other end of your chest.
Oh, this? There's nobody there, man. This is part of my hearing aid.
- Get out of the car and hide, now. - What's going on?
- Get out of the car and hide, now! - What's going on?
I'm a little hard of hearing in my right ear.
- Really? Show me. - Yeah.
- I can't show you. It's... - Show me!
All right. Take it easy. Take it easy. I'll show you everything.
FBI! Come and get your snitch!
You want to come and play?
Drop it.
Drop it!
All right. Give me Canetti, or I take him out.
Music...
What?
It's in the music...
Yo. Look...
I didn't see anything. Yo, we cool?
Come on, man! Come on!
Come on.
Oh, my God, they're shooting! Where are we going?
- Get in the truck. - Okay, okay!
Oh, my God!
Get down!
- Are you okay? - I think so.
Do you have any idea how lucky we are right now?
You could have been killed! What were you thinking?
He just shot that guy right in front of me.
We're still here, all right? That's what matters.
Shouldn't we call the FBI or something?
No. FBI has got a leak. Chirkoff knew we were coming.
Malcolm, I want to go home, man.
Trent. Your car's back there. They probably already ran your tags.
They know everything about us. You just saw Chirkoff murder someone.
- We can't go home. - So, what, then?
That means he's gonna kill me?
Oh, come on! That is not hot.
I won't let him. All right? All I got to do is get that flash drive.
It has enough dirt on Chirkoff to put him away forever.
Payoff, hits, everything.
Canetti told me where the flash is hidden.
We're just gonna lay low until I can get my hands on it.
Just calm down, all right? Relax. Take a soothing breath.
They haven't called in yet and you have no idea where they are.
You're the FBI!
What good is a leak if you can't tell me anything?
Just send me the photo.
- How's the leg, boss? - The leg's fine!
The FBI's run travel records, rental cars. Nothing.
They haven't left the area, at least not yet.
- What about the flash drive? - Turner knows where it is.
We find Turner, we find the flash drive.
Right now, our biggest problem's his kid.
He saw me shoot Canetti.
I want him dead.
I got 15 MP3s of original stuff that ain't been mixed.
You can have that.
Georgia Girls School for the Arts.
You know what, just do like Pac's mom did.
After I'm shot down in the streets, just release it as a double jam.
Would you knock off the crazy talk? We gonna get out of this.
Yeah. That's probably what Biggie thought
when he was staring down the barrel.
Or Pac, when he was chilling on the Strip.
I got a plan.
You know what? Malcolm,
- just promise me one thing. - What?
Don't let them do a clean version for Walmart.
Preserve who the Prodi-G was.
- I'm going to hide you. - Hide?
I mean, come on. How you gonna hide a swag as big as this?
I'm gonna need a shrink after this, you realize that?
You didn't seem to mind when you was little and
- I caught you trying on your mother's... - Shh!
You promised never to bring that up. I was putting on a play.
Lord, Lord! You a difficult child, Charmaine Daisy Pierce.
Who are you talking about?
My great-niece. And you better start sounding like her
- before you scare someone. - Oh, right.
In that case, how's this?
Swing low, sweet...
Holy mother of...
Yeah. Yeah, right there. Now remember that feeling.
Fine! If I gotta be a chick, can I at least be a cute one?
Next time I'll buy my own damn clothes!
And pull down that skirt!
I can see straight to the Promised Land.
It's pulled down!
After a while, you realize it's just not worth the fight.
I wasn't even talking to you.
Nosy and all in my business!
Wait up!
You think you might have a chance I don't think so
You telling me to be nice I don't think so
You wanna get in my pants I don't think so
I don't understand how we're gonna find a 4-inch flash drive in 3-inch heels.
Canetti had a buddy who works here.
We start by finding out who that is, and what they know.
Canetti.
Canetti, yeah.
Canetti said something to me right before he died.
He looked at me and he said...
- What'd he say? - "It's in the music".
Yeah. You know, something like that.
And I thought he recognized my talent, knew who the Prodi-G was.
- "It's in the music"? - Yeah.
Doesn't make sense,
just like everything else that comes out of your mouth.
What? I'm gonna tell you what don't make sense.
How they gonna let two fat ladies go poking around this joint?
They have an opening for a house mother.
Say what?
Park your tush.
Tuck it! Right over there.
- Hi, girl. Hi. - Hi.
Hi.
She's expecting me. I's running a little late.
Come in!
May I help you?
Honey, it's me who's gonna help you,
and those poor, house motherless girls you got
just waiting for a positive role model.
Hattie Mae Pierce at your service, but you can call me Big Momma.
Oh, yes. You e-mailed your résumé for the house mother position.
Very qualified, but I think...
Well, thank you!
I will watch over those girls like they were my own.
But, Miss...
Big Momma, we haven't scheduled any interviews, let alone...
Look at what those children did to me!
Performance art, my ass!
Beverly, what on earth?
Double-ply? A public school can afford double-ply
and I got to bring in my own Sweet'N Low?
Child, nobody deserves to be treated like that.
That's not the half!
Damn!
Child, you should quit while you can still do a comb over.
No, Beverly, you promised us two weeks' notice.
You know, every day you don't demand respect, you die just a little.
You die a little.
You know, she's right. Nothing's worth living with those demon spawn!
"No child left behind".
Well, you watch me. I quit!
Can you start today?
Me? Oh, thank you! Sure!
- Now, we don't pay very much. - Oh, don't worry about that.
Shoot, I grew up so poor,
we used to go down to Kentucky Fried Chicken
and lick other people's fingers.
Because we couldn't afford the chicken.
And you know, all the grease from the chicken, we were like...
You know, there is one tiny little issue.
What's that?
Hey. What up?
Miss Gail, this is my great-niece,
Charmaine Daisy Pierce.
- Hello. - Hey.
So many girls! I feel like I'm at a Baskin-Robbins.
A festival of flavors!
I mean, um, it's so diverse here.
Ah, yes. Well, we do pride ourselves on diversity.
So tell me, Charmaine, do you think that you're a good fit for GGSA?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mmm-hmm. I like to read.
And, uh, I like to, uh,
play music.
And I like salad.
Sweet, delicious, fresh fruit salad.
She's had a stressful few days.
She's only with me because of some family problems.
Mmm-hmm. My parents don't support my art.
They think it's a waste of time.
Oh, dear, that is awful. Well, you have come to the right place.
And my stepfather's always working.
He has an important job in the government.
Which he uses to spy on me.
Ever told the truth, wouldn't have to.
Charmaine, you can audit classes until your transcripts get here,
but I'm afraid, since it's the end of the year,
we don't have a roommate for you.
Oh, any ol' girl will do.
Oh, no. We don't want to put you out.
Charmaine'll just stay with her Big Momma.
But my shrink in juvie said I'd do better with a role model my own age.
You'll be on the same floor as your peers.
Before you know it, you'll be bosom buddies.
Charmaine likes the sound of that!
Welcome to your new home.
I'll just show you to your room.
Some of the girls have gone to dinner, so you'll just see them there.
- Okay. - Oh, there's Mia! Mia.
Damn!
Mia, this is your new house mother, Big Momma,
and this is her niece, Charmaine, your new classmate.
- Hi. - Mia is a very promising young actress.
Oh, I'm okay. I mean, I can do light comedy, like Sandra Bullock.
Well, you know, before the Oscar.
But I really need to work on expanding my range,
in the way that Kate Winslet does.
And Mrs. Orth from Movement says that I need to listen to my inner voice,
but there's just so many of them,
and the loudest one's always screaming, "Delanté's pulling away!"
My God! Delanté's pulling away.
I think I should go now.
Girl, you need a hug!
She gets a little emotional. Who the hell is Delanté?
Delanté is the boyfriend.
Oh.
Gail, maybe we should freshen up before dinner.
All this transition is a bit much for Charmaine.
She should probably rest her eyes
or become unconscious for a moment or two.
I totally understand. Your room is at the end of the hall.
Well, look at the wallpaper! It's so nice!
Look. There's a ballerina on the bed.
I'm Jasmine.
And here's the 411 you probably didn't get on your tour.
I call the shots around here.
So, if you two stay out of the way, we shouldn't have any problems.
Okay?
Now you listen to me, Tinker Bell.
Big Momma don't take orders from nobody.
Nobody.
We'll see about that.
Towel girl was nice.
I'm going to unpack.
You mind? Do you mind?
Ooh. Sit down with such lovely young ladies.
Excuse me.
Charmaine!
Find a seat.
- Sit next to me. - Oh! All right.
Thank you. Excuse me.
Ooh! Careful. Oh, my gosh. Here, let me help clean you up.
It's cool.
I'm Haley Robinson.
Hey!
You're...
You're the hot girl from the Promenade. Yeah.
I'm sorry?
I mean, you're not hot.
The Promenade was hot the day I saw you.
I'm not saying you're not hot,
but it was hot at the Promenade the day I saw you being hot. Girl, I'm hot.
- I'm Charmaine. - You're funny.
I love that beat.
That's it. Excuse me, but I didn't formally get to introduce myself.
My name is Hattie Mae Pierce, but everyone calls me Big Momma.
That's the understatement of the century.
Funny. Very funny.
And this is my niece, Charmaine Daisy Pierce.
Oh.
Hey. How you guys doing?
Mmm, that reminds me. You have to do something before you eat.
Oh, girl, of course! Uh...
- Attention, everyone! - Give...
We have fresh meat that wants to eat.
And what kind of school is this?
School for the Arts!
Exactly. And that means every new student
must dance, act or sing for their supper.
What'll it be, Charmaine?
What's your talent?
Show us what you got.
Charmaine...
Quiet! Quiet!
Anyway, Charmaine is a little under the weather right now.
Maybe she could do it another night.
Oh, no, it's all right, Big Momma. I got this.
So what'll it be, Charmaine?
Huh. I'm a rapper.
I can't wait to see this.
Hey, could somebody give me a beat?
Yeah.
What
Yeah
All my girls in the spot You know what's up
Just chillin'in the caf For some laughs and stuff
Ready to do my thing Y'all ready or what?
Show your girl some love Hah... Yeah... What...
Hello? All girls school?
Give your girl some love.
Don't wanna give it up? Yeah, I'm cool with that
That's fine Besides, who knew I could rap?
I got skills, thrills plus a winning attitude
I got no time for no wack dudes
You don't even know what I got under here
If you feel the same way Let me hear you say, "Hell, yeah!"
Hell, yeah!
Oh, oh, oh, ohhh!
Ain't nobody
Loves me better Makes me happy
Makes me feel this way
Ain't nobody
Loves me better than you
Yeah My girl Haley is the truth
And even though I'm new, she done made it real smooth
It's kind of hard being new on the block
Especially when you're packin'a supersized
Badonkadonk!
Whoa
Ain't nobody
Loves me better
Makes me happy
Makes me feel this way
Ain't nobody
Loves me better than you
Yo, Haley, get up on the mic Keep talking about the guy you like
First you put your arms around me
Then what else did he do, girl?
Then you put your charms around me
Okay Do you think he'd be true?
I can't resist your sweet surrender
Sounds like a good deal to me
Oh, my nights are warm and tender
Come on! Everybody sing!
Ain't nobody
Loves me better
Makes me happy
Makes me feel this way
- Ain't nobody loves me better - Nobody loves me better
Gonna love me better than you
Go, Momma! Go, Momma! Go, Momma! Go, Momma!
Oh, my gosh! Big Momma, are you okay? Are you alive?
Ain't nobody?
Child? That there is no meal.
I'm on a diet.
Prima ballerinas can't have any booty. There's a law or something.
Well, she looks so skinny,
it looks like she could dodge raindrops.
Ain't no raindrops going...
- Oh, my God! - Mia, what's going on?
Delanté just dumped me.
What?
"Need space. Still friends?"
He used the sunglasses guy.
You know what? He's probably just confused.
Yeah, he's afraid of intimacy. He just doesn't want to get hurt.
You think?
Uh, can't you girls read? A man needs his space.
It says it clearly in black and white.
Duh!
Oh, my God.
Or
he's petrified by his passion
and he, uh, doesn't know how to deal with it.
Girl, the sunglasses guy means that he's hiding his true emotions.
Mmm-hmm. He loves you, girl.
Exactly.
Child, like my Aunt Yorima used to say,
it's better to be alone with yourself for the rest of your life
than to be together with bad company for a minute.
I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life?
- Child, I did not say that. - No, Mia, don't listen to her.
Oh, my God, I can't do this!
- I was trying to give her... - Great job, Big Momma.
Any other hearts you want to break?
Ladies, quiet down, please!
Thank you. I have an announcement.
Last night, an antique music box was stolen...
from our library's special collection.
Now, I know we have a tradition of pranks.
But this is not stealing the mascot from the boys at St. Ignatius.
Which is still missing, by the way.
No, this is a crime
against one of our own, which will not be tolerated!
So I strongly suggest that the guilty party,
or anyone who knows anything about this, come forward
or risk immediate expulsion.
The music box. That's what Canetti was trying to tell you.
- What do you mean? - The flash drive's in the music box!
Oh, right, right.
Come on. We're going to the library. That's where it was stolen.
- I just... - Where are you going?
These shoes! They hurt. They're heels.
And this girdle's riding up all inside me. I can't do it.
All right, but stay in your room and away from those girls.
All right.
Mmm, I gotta take a leak.
Ah, man.
This thing is so tight!
Free at last, free at last.
Yeah?
Charmaine?
Um...
I'll be out in a second!
Give me...
- Um, are you all right in there? - Yeah!
I'm okay!
I'll be out there in a minute!
Hey...
Damn. I mean...
Hey, Haley.
Um...
I hope I'm not being too personal, but have you tried Spanx?
Spanx?
You know, body shapers.
You know, they give you the smoothing without the, um, extra padding.
Oh, really?
That extra padding!
Anyway, they're having a thing for me in the common room in about 15 minutes.
I'd love you to come.
How nice of you. That'd be great.
- Great. So, I'll see you in a few. - All right.
And wear your PJs. We go comfy.
You certainly do.
Excuse me!
My, my, my.
Ooh, Lord.
My, my, my!
I'm peeping one fly Zulu queen! Mmm!
Well, the name is Hattie Mae Pierce, but everybody calls me Big Momma.
Well, I'm Kurtis Kool. I make the ladies drool.
Well, that's nice, but I'm gonna keep my saliva in my mouth.
Well, back in the day, I used to run the ropes for Run-DMC.
You probably recognize me from my appearance in Krush Groove.
I was the brother with the dope shammy in the car wash.
I had no lines, but I was good. No?
My last tour was with LL Cool J.
- Mmm. - Mmm-hmm.
In the words of the great master, "Mama said knock you out!"
Young man.
I am a woman with grandchildren.
Now, I'm the new house mother over in Pryce Hall.
And I'm just trying to get a lay of the land.
I was wondering...
if I could get a peek around the library.
Well, Kurtis Kool be your backstage pass!
- Kurtis Kool! - Let me get my key.
Well, all right. Shed a little light.
You know, my momma said big-legged women were gonna kill me.
Found my keys!
- You ready to go? - Yeah. This way?
Uh-huh.
Halle Berry ain't got shit on you!
Hello.
Oh, Lord, I must be in heaven.
Who invited America's sexiest buffalo?
I invited her.
Be nice.
Oh, no.
What are we doing, sacrificing an animal or something?
We are the Divas.
The senior society of GGSA's best artists.
This is our inner sanctum.
Oh.
Can we trust her not to narc us out?
- I ain't no narc. - That's what a narc would say.
- That's true. - Good point.
Good point? Girl,
Let me tell you something about Charmaine Daisy Pierce.
My ex-boyfriend, right?
Marlo.
Doing a bid in Lompoc. Dealing.
Po-po dragged me in on a trumped-up conspiracy case.
Said if I testified against him, I could walk.
- Know what I did? - What?
Spent my 15th birthday in juvie.
My birthday cake was four lit matches in a Twinkie.
Oh, my God. How awful!
Okay, everyone. We are assembled tonight to welcome our newest Diva.
Haley Robinson.
Stand up.
This necklace is a commitment.
A commitment to your life as an artist.
That you will never give up on your friends or your art.
- Do you accept? - I do.
Turn around.
Done.
Congratulations. You're a Diva.
Uh, Jasmine? Where is your necklace?
- I'm getting the clasp fixed. - Oh.
Welcome to the Divas.
"The Inaugural Class Music Box".
Yeah, the first graduating class gifted it to the school.
You open it, it'd play the school song.
Not really worth much, but it's sentimental.
Well, I can't imagine why anyone would want to steal it.
Unless it had something valuable inside.
I doubt it. It's been there for so long.
But between you, me and the Kool,
I think the girls lifted it.
You sure?
Look, the other night, I'm wiping down the reference room,
I hear the girls sneaking in, giggling.
I look in there, they peaced out.
And so is the music box.
Hmm.
I saw a picture of a man in your office.
He looked familiar.
My fishing buddy, Tony.
You probably read about it in the newspaper.
- Anthony Canetti? - That's it.
Yeah.
He just left here a couple days ago for our monthly poker game.
It's a damn shame.
Uh...
These bobby pins don't stay put.
Look here, Big Momma, I got a couple St. Ides on ice back at the crib.
Oh, no. No, Big Momma's a wine cooler woman.
And she's gotta get back to her girls.
Even a momma bear needs some sugar.
I said that's enough, now.
God, I forgive you for the '90s.
But thank you, Jesus, for now!
Mmm!
Fashion show!
Wanna try? This will look good.
How entertaining.
Everybody back to their rooms, now!
Oh. And by the way,
until the thief who stole that music box comes forward,
lights out time, 8:00 pm.
Bounce!
Oh, don't look with the sour faces. Let's go!
Don't you eyeball me, girl.
You just go on.
Don't corner-eye me!
We was bouncing it out.
You was bouncing it...
"Ten Ways to Snag a Guy"? That'll never work.
What's wrong with you? I told you to stay away from those girls.
I was doing some undercover work. Getting information.
Undercover. Yeah, well, that explains you lounging in lingerie.
I was doing what girls do, okay?
Look, you gotta see the genius of my plan.
- Your plan? - Yeah.
These girls, they're starting to think I'm on their side.
- Right. - The Divas are never gonna talk to you.
Not the way you run the house. Look.
You think the Jackson 5 gave Papa Joe information? No.
Janet had all the dirt. And I'm their Janet!
Wait. Who the hell are the Divas?
- Seriously? - Yeah.
The most popular girls in school!
They're the best artists. They run this place.
Oh, you need me.
Trust me, I'm a seasoned FBI agent.
I've infiltrated tougher circles than a posse of gossipy teenage girls.
So how about you stick to the hiding and I'll stick to the undercover work?
Whatever.
I was just trying to help.
Please, do me a favor. Don't help.
Whatever!
Where'd you find Jasmine's necklace?
How'd you know this was Jasmine's?
Oh.
You don't need me.
You've infiltrated tougher circles than a posse of gossipy teenage girls.
Okay, fine.
I might be able to use your help.
If I help you, you got to help me.
- Help you what? - You've got to sign my contract.
How about I think about it?
How about I go back to reading my Cosmo?
Fine.
Nothing.
Just hundreds of these.
Not bad.
Turn it off, you idiot.
Let's go.
I know how to find them.
Charmaine, you're late for class. Now get to ballet.
Demi plié.
Knees over the toes.
Chest up.
Shoulders back.
Out.
And grand plié!
And up.
I can't.
Oh!
Let's get into groups for the routine.
Jasmine, head up.
Just a steel town girl on a Saturday night
Looking for the fight of her life
She has danced into the danger zone
Get in line!
Stretch.
When the dancer becomes the dance
Are you okay?